"The secret of life isn't what happens to you, it's what you do with what happens to you."-Norman Vincent Peale
What would be different for you if you knew that your life is decided, not by the things that happen to you, but by your reactions to them?
If we were to examine our lives, we'd recognize that we have little to no control over 10% of what happens to us. Cars break down, planes arrive late, and spills happen. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different, because you have a choice in your reaction. You may not be able to control a red light, but you can control your reaction to it. And although it may not appear to be possible, you can control how you react to anything.
Our responses to the world around us are learned behaviors, not accidents. And because they're learned, we have the opportunity to unlearn them and make a new conscious choice.
For example, imagine eating breakfast with your family before heading to work. One of your kids knocks over a cup of coffee onto your shirt. While you have no control over what just happened, what happens next will be determined by how you react. In one scenario you curse and blame everyone at the table for your misfortune. You storm upstairs, change your shirt and come back down to leave for work. Your kids are too upset to get ready for school and so miss the bus. You rush to the car and drive your kids to school, but because you are late, you drive 15 miles over the speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and a traffic ticket, you arrive at school. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse.
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it? C) Did the policeman cause it?
B) Did your kids cause it? D) Did you cause it?
Not surprisingly, the answer is "D" . You had no control over what happened with the coffee, but how you reacted in those next 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. So, let's try on another option.
Coffee splashes over you. Your kids are about to cry. You gently say, "It's OK. Please just be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel, you rush upstairs. After changing your shirt and picking up your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your kids getting on the bus. You arrive at your office on time, and look forward to going home to your family at the end of the day.
Two different scenarios with the same beginning and different endings. Which would you prefer?
Remember the 90/10 principle, and stop worrying! Use the leftover energy for something more positive and uplifting. And remember, 90% of life is made up by the choices we make every day. Choose well, and have an amazing month!
3 comments:
Thank you Janis for this post, it is one I can and will use. I appreciate the reminder that we do indeed have a choice.
I am so excited about your blog...It will be my new home page. You are such a blessing!
Yes Janis, we re-act we re enact past patterns, many of which have not worked so well for us. Instead of reacting, in each moment to have an oppportunity to lovinly create a better option in the moment. We can do this by (1)saying to the other when possible.. I need a moment to be with this(it helps to say this since most peo-ple expect an instant response and most don't feel comfortable with silence). Then close our eyes for one moment, breathe and get centered and then ask ourselves what would be the creative loving reponse here? If nothing comes up say.. can I get back to you on this?
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